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The current year represents a ten-year milestone since the word “ghosting” hit the common lexicon. At the time, the notion that someone could abruptly cease contact with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the peak of rudeness. How naive we were. In the decade since, finding a significant other has only become more confounding – an frequently fruitless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by social media lingo.

Gen Z, a demographic who matured during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a concerted attack on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier terrain than their Gen Y elders could ever envision. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the limits of your mental fortitude.

Below is a extensive breakdown to the phrases Zoomers is using to navigate love, sex and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Realness – For gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is presenting as your real, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

B

Bird theory – A social media test loosely based on a test developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's response is inquisitive or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while exuding enigma and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Seat theory – This means choosing someone who helps you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people bond while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it refers to pairs who forgo having children to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of acting aloof: utilizing dialogue, transparency and openness.

F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Personal habits indicating a prospective partner is trouble. Such as calling their former partners crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits affirm your choice to pursue a mate. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe niche, largely benign quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their bag, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An ideal championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and often mundane repulsions that immediately extinguish any feelings of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic display.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy believable.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {